I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Semen is not good for contacts.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize