My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
