Who did Billy Mays play for?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
