If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
