Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
