the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
