i think my mom watched the whole time
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
