He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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