I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
