i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
