All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Drunk is a universal language darling
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
