Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize