Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's never too late to be topless.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize