he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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