Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
