I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
