Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
