I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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