420 ftw
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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