This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
