there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
