I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
