Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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