guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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