Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
