all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
