Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
