This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
