how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
