I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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