Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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