i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
