He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
God, I missed his penis.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize