Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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