Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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