then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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