when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
