therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
