Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
