i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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