he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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