i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
