Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
