woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
