He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
