I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
