do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
