She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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