I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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