Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
