im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
