Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
