Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
