i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
even my farts smell like vagina
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
