You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
