why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
