I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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