Please, let me fuck your mom
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
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