bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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