thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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