He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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