I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the condom got lost in my hair
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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