My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
