By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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