How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
