Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I want her autograph on my taint
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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