I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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