Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
