Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
