I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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