She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
