He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
