he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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