Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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