Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize