I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
