Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
