I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
