An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize