her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
