I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
