oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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