we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
