Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
