South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
