At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
