We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
