I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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