yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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