she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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